Rationale for High Divorce Rates Among Newly Marrieds

January

Rationale for High Divorce Rates
Among Newly Marrieds

Although divorce has become commonplace , the toll on lives in terms of societal and behavioral difficulties defies measurement. Current statistics indicate that 50% of marriages terminate in divorce and 60% of second marriages fall by the wayside. However, the most alarming news is that couples newly married, 5 years or less, will divorce at a rate of 67%. Why are couples giving up so soon? The following explanations delineate some of the societal and behavioral reasons for the current proliferation of divorce:

Since the advent of the Vietnam War, we have had a cultural revolution that has caused a major shift in family values and has produced an overwhelming number of broken homes. In turn, we have come to accept the fact of divorce.

Prior to 1965 the divorce rate was 2% to 3%. By 1985 divorce rates had escalated to 50% and have essentially remained the same.

Many young people have unrealistic expectations of marriage, expecting their relationship to be the perfect union. Their parents were poor role models and they are not prepared to work at their relationship.

Today's young couples are products of the "me generation." They are self-absorbed, focused on getting "my needs" met, but are often insensitive to the particular needs of their partner.

Mates want instant gratification, seeking the material goods their parents worked years to accumulate.

Many spouses have had multiple sexual partners prior to marriage. The parties are jaded and quickly discover how difficult it is to sustain a romantic relationship in the bedroom when they are beset with overwhelming conflicts in the kitchen.

Marital infidelity is all too frequent for some mates who show little guilt or remorse for their actions.

Often partners have little understanding of the concept of loyalty and sacrifice so essential to a good marriage.

Many young couples are products of divorced homes, thus permission to divorce is taken for granted.

Today's couples enter marriage with an expectation their union may not last a lifetime, as if theirs is a "trial marriage."

Some view "serial marriages" as easy come/easy go, but the fallout of betrayal, abandonment, neglect, and despair take their toll, nonetheless.

Many partners are anchorless, searching for their identity. They often feel as if, "I'm afloat and on my own in both marriage and career."

Usually couples are not schooled in the art of marital team-building. The partners lack confidence, shy away from intimacy, and lack good communication skills.

Many spouses are restless and impatient. When the first blush of romance fades and hostilities escalate, they impulsively throw in the sponge and give up.

In my estimation 50% of these marriages could be saved if couples would only seek professional help early in the game. People often take better care of their cars then they do their closest relationships.

If you are stuck in a conflicted marital or long-term relationship, you will find practical solutions for breaking your marital impasse in Lee Raffel's recently published book, Should I Stay or Go? How Controlled Separation (CS)^® Can Save Your Marriage, (Contemporary Books, 1998).

When you find yourself in a tentative and troubled relationship the CS^® gives you and your mate an opportunity to cool down, slow down, and stop making impulsive decisions you are likely to regret.