Signs of Relationship Splintering

The stay or go question is one of the most difficult decisions that partners ever have to face in their lives. When both you and your mate are too paralyzed to make a move, you have reached the epitome of "stuckness". Immobilized mates are generally frustrated and negative about their marital predicament. Many spouses prefer to avoid dealing with dissatisfactions and let little irritations mushroom in silence.

A host of factors can provoke a marital impasse. Often, overt changes in the personality of one or both partners breed suspicion and foretell of marital unrest.

The following is a list of many telling signs of relationship splintering:

Physical and verbal abuse
Unprovoked hostility in your mate
Feeling you cannot express yourself adequately to your spouse
Frustrated by frequent, useless arguments
Sudden, unusal behavior: frequent shifting employment, excessive dieting, unfamiliar friendships, or unusual personality changes
Aloof and withdrawn behavior
Withholding affection and sexual intimacy
Oppositional and controlling behavior
Increased impulsive spending
Boredom, restlessness, and moodiness
Unexplained absences, working unusually long hours
Lying, acting defensive, or being unreliable
Suspicion of infidelity
False accusations
Unexplained euphoria at odds with current marital stalemate
Compulsive blaming and complaining
Lack of compassion and stubbornly uncooperative behavior
Showing little or no interest in sexual intimacy
Breakdown in communication
Unwillingness to cooperate in decision-making

In determining the direction or fate of the decision-making process, if you take the course of least resistance, you can live with things the way they are, as long as you are not at odds with yourself. But once your eyes are opened and you face what can no longer be denied, chances are your seething indignation will cause all kinds of havoc.

If you are stuck in a conflicted marital or long-term relationship, you will find practical solutions for breaking your marital impasse in Lee Raffel's recently published book, Should I Stay or Go? How Controlled Separation (CS)^® Can Save Your Marriage, (Contemporary Books, 1998).

This is an excerpt from Chapter 6 of Should I Stay or Go? How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage (Contemporary Books,1999) (More information located here.)